A New Beginning?
by heyMAY
Summary: Kate battles with her loss of Aaron, her boyfriend, the boy she thought was 'the one' while meeting a handsome new boy, Rick Castle, in the middle of her depression. What happens now?
1. Prologue

It's not gonna be easy, no. It's never _that_ easy.

When you've lost him… No one ever really recovers. They learn. They just learn not to forget. I'll always remember him, I knew that much. He was it. He was _the one. _I don't know why he would leave me like this, all alone… I'm never going to forget today, never. I just… I just can't believe… My Aaron. _My _Aaron… Of all the things to go wrong.

_Aaron_. Why couldn't you have stayed…? For me? I miss you, so much. My heart feels like it's gone. I can't really… Do anything anymore. I don't want to do anything. But I have to.

I have to keep going, for my dad, for Montgomery. I can't leave them, all alone. I can't let another girl or boy be dead, and not have the right killer be found. No… I have to go on for them. I'll be strong… I promise. I promise myself and I promise everyone else in my life, I'll be strong through this. I can't let this get to my entire life. I'll move on… One day.

***

_**A/N: **Hahaa, I love story writing :)_

_It's my first Castle one, and I haven't really gotten to know Beckett as well. Besides, Kate Beckett is a hard girl to write about. She's not well understood, she's mysterious. She doesn't give her heart out to people a lot, so it's hard to even _write _about that kinda stuff for me. Sorry, LOL. So. **Review? ;)**_


	2. Say It Again?

_**Chapter One;**_

_**Say It Again?**_

"_To the extraordinary KB__**"**_

I didn't know how to handle it the first few days. I stayed home from work, called Laney a couple times. I didn't know what else I could really do, after all. He was actually just… gone. I can still remember it so clearly. That night had been the best night before he died.

I was sitting at my own house, with nothing to do until Aaron called. I had been at home, missing him. He said he wanted to go do something with me again, just like last week. But instead of going to see a movie like last week, we were going to go see something else. And he wouldn't tell me what. So I just went along with him, because as much as I hate surprises, I was going for him. When we were in the car, we just sat in silence, enjoying that the other was there. We occasionally glanced at each other and smiled, with our heart in our smiles. We knew what the other's smile meant. It was the smile only he could get from me, and he gave me the one that I only saw when we were together. Just a heartfelt smile. We ended up at a park, out in the evening. Watching the sunset, just laying together, kissing sometimes, talking the rest… I had been lonely, from my mother being gone, until him. Until he had come into my life. We just… clicked. We clicked, like the magic perfect couple.

While he was driving me home, we didn't even see it coming. He drove us into the middle of the intersection and another car hit us, striking so hard against his side of the car. It wasn't long before an ambulance came and carried him and I off, both unconscious. I woke up later, but he didn't. He wasn't even in coma, he was just dead. Even with medical attention, the car was going at 90 miles per hour, for who knows why. But I didn't even care about all that. What I care about was that he was gone. I really thought that one day, we would get married. He would propose at the perfect moment, and our wedding would be spectacular. I could still see my clear vision of what it would look like.

Laney would be my made of honor, with few other bridesmaids.—I mostly kept to myself, but when I did get along with people, I planned on keeping them for a while.—I would have a white dress, but not the typical ballroom gown. I didn't want to be Cinderella; I just wanted to be _treated _like her. I would've worn something plain, but elegant. I'm not the big poufy gown type. And the wedding colors would have been a baby blue type, but a little darker, and a spring yellow. Our colors. The very ones we were wearing when we first met.

I was really going to miss him.

_**A/N: **__Okayy, first start on the story, what do you think? I kinda say it's a little dark… But we'll see how it turns o .O __**Review, review, review!**__ I needa know what can make this story better._


	3. When It All Falls Apart

_**Chapter Two;**_

_**When It All Falls Apart**_

"_I'll sit and wonder,_

_Of every love that could've been.__**"**_

_Death Cab for Cutie_

By the next week, I had become way more accustomed to just indulging myself inside my work. Every case I had, I only put my best efforts into so I could avoid thinking about him and my mom. The weeks went by, and every night when I went home, I had to watch the movie _Music & Lyrics._ I know exactly what attracted me to it in the first place, but the reason why I watched it so much I couldn't understand.

The movie is about a girl who meets an "old" pop star, who was popular when she was young. This man, Alex, lives in the past, and claims everything he'd done in the past was much better than anything that was going to come out of him now. The girl, Sophie, makes a good impression on him when he's trying to make a new song, and he asks her to help him with the song. Through this song that the two create, Alex finds out more about Sophie, and about her wall she's hiding behind.

Maybe I watched it so I wouldn't feel alone. Maybe so I could know that I'm going to find someone else (although I hardly thought that was true). Maybe I just wanted another distraction. Or maybe, it was the song that they sang. The lyrics were almost exactly how I feel. _"All I wanna do is find a way back into love,"_ that pretty much described my life. I'm so tired of feeling so down everyday, feel my heart ache everyday. But whatever the reason, it did keep me busy.

While I drifted away, my thoughts started drifting towards Aaron and our last night together again.

***

"Yo, Beckett!"

"Yeah, Esposito?"

"I got a hit on our vic. Name's Christina Wentworth. She's a carpenter and owns her own small business on 4th Street."

"Run down her family and friends, her coworkers, her clients. Tell me if you find anything."

"You got it, Becks."

I couldn't focus on work much, just on the paperwork. That was simple enough, wasn't it?

***

Two weeks later, and there's a new boy in town. What a coincidence.

"Richard Castle will be shadowing you for the next year, since he needs inspiration on his next book," said Captain Montgomery.

"But sir, I don't need a partner."

"You will do this, for the mayor. We need the publicity. You know he's a famous author, and give us the opportunity to have law enforcement in a newspaper that people actually _read._"

"Sir, I-"

"Sorry Beckett, but we have to cooperate with the mayor's wishes."

Ugh! This is _not _happening. Richard Castle, the biggest playboy out of all the celebrities is _not _tagging along on _my _cases, of all the ones in the world. It was going to be a long couple years. I stormed out of his office, fuming about my own damn luck.

"Oh, why, hello there Detective Beckett. You look wonderful." It was him. It was Castle.

"Hey Castle, don't say that again or I'll kill you, too, and blame it on suicide."

"Oh, feisty today, I see. Playing hard to get?"

"Castle. Don't bother me, I need to get work done. And if you ever suggest that again, you won't be able to do much anymore."

"As you wish, Detective," he sang, looking smug.

Later on that day, we figured out the killer of their vic, unfortunately with the help of Castle and his theories. The employee, who had decided that he didn't get enough pay, being poor, crazy, and insane, decided that he'd rather kill her boss.

After a long day at work, all I wanted to do was go home and slip into a bath. I'd finally gotten some peace and quiet, and I wasn't about to give that up after a day with Castle. When I finished, I finally went to my bed, quickly falling asleep, still thinking of Aaron. But this time, Castle was in her dreams, too, but as the bad guy, of course. [ **;) ]**

When I woke up, I got to thinking about Aaron, about everything. I thought and thought for a while, when I finally realized that maybe, he wasn't after all the one. Everyone says it's the little things, and I hadn't really noticed before… Recently, he forgot a couple important things, like a date. I had been wondering why, but just brushed it off at the time. I had tried calling him several times at work, not even after 9 PM, but he still wouldn't answer. He used to answer all the time. And it's making me wonder, was he really all for me? Or was he just keeping me there for the sake of it? Did he just not want to hurt my feelings, or did he not even have the strength to tell me to go? Questions started filling my head, but I decided it was time to get to work.

When I got there, Castle was already making coffee, not only for himself, but me. How odd. I thought he could take a hint. Or, then again, ever underestimate the fertility of the male ego. **(Quote from one of the episodes, I do believe ;) I just love Castle.) **By the time he came back, I had already started filing my folders away again. When that was finished, I just started doing paperwork, eventually half focused on the papers and half in my own head.

"Detective, would you mind me asking you something?" Castle had a hint of amusement in his voice, so I got ready for the tease he was planning.

"As long as it's got nothing to do with after work," I said, trying to focus on paperwork again, realizing I had zoned off.

"Ignoring that last statement, but for my research, do you usually do anything after work? Like, say, go to someone's house?"

She already knew what he was implying, but she tried to avoid it by saying, "What do you mean?"

"Oh, Beckett, I know you know what I'm talking about."

She sighed. "No, I don't. But don't even try to weasel your way into _my_ personal life."

"It's worth a shot," he said.

Luckily enough for her, her cell phone rang.

"Beckett," I said, answering the phone.

"Hey, it's Lanie. I just needed for you to come to the morgue for a bit, no Castle though."

"What? Well, fair enough. I'll be glad to get rid of him for a bit," she said, and said goodbye to Lanie for a bit.

"Who was it?" Castle asked, curious.

"Lanie. She wants to talk to me in the morgue, _alone._" Beckett said, stressing the word 'alone.'

"Aww, why can't I come?"

"I guess that's just something you'll have to think about, isn't it?" she said, happy to see him in his current condition.

As she left, she was still wondering what Lanie wanted. The case was over, so what she wanted to talk about surely didn't have anything to do with a body… So what possibly is there to say?

Kate walked into the morgue, happy to see her friend for a bit.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"I don't know, Kate, you tell me." Lanie said, smiling away.

"What?"

"Well, I don't know. Castle sure seems to be clinging to you even after only a day."

"Oh, come on. You can't be serious."

"Yes I can! I've seen the looks he gives you, why can't you see them too?"

"Oh, sure. The most Castle wants is to get in someone's pants, and I'm going to make sure I don't end up on that list."

"Oh, really?" She said, disbelieving.

"Yes, really." Beckett stated, starting to get a little annoyed.

"Well, if you're sure that's all, I'll talk to you tonight."

"Yes, I am positive. See you tonight," Kate said, eager for Laney to just come over to her house and talk together later.

"Well?" Castle asked, as soon as she got back. He was practically bouncing out of his chair, although he was trying to hide it.

"Yes?" Beckett replied, not that willing to share what they had been talking about. Although, it would have been quite obvious if anybody else who had been in the room with Laney and her, were there with the detective at this moment.

"What did she want?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing, she called you over in the middle of your work hours to talk to her."

"It wasn't as important as you think, Castle."

"Beckett," Castle replied, almost whining.

"Castle," she said, but this time a bit irritated.

"Just tell me!"

"No, just let it go!"

And for the first time, he did what she least expected; he shut up.

_**A/N: **__Soo, whatcha think? It's probably not a prodigy, but I guess it's not the worst. At least, if anything, correct spelling (I hope.) haha :) But really, let me know what you think! In other words, __**review! :)**_


	4. All Over Again

_**Chapter Three;  
**__**All Over Again**_

"_It's impossible to lose you,  
__Because I never had you.  
__Although, I would be glad to.__**"  
**__-Drake_

Every time I turned around during work hours, there was Castle. He wouldn't go away! During interrogations, when we interviewed some creepy thugs who started using sexual references about things to do to me (indirectly), Castle always got the hint and I could tell he was always two inches away from a full on fight.

And I would always wonder, Why do you care? We're not dating. I don't like you. Why do you insist on being consistent? _It's not working. _Although, half the time, I secretly wished it did. Just something, _something, _to make me to forget Aaron.

I wanted to, so bad. It hurt. Everything has always reminded me of him, but now all those reminders are painful. The only thing that _didn't _was, in reality, Castle. Aaron had been to the precinct to pick me up for dates, and he would see Esposito and Ryan there, sometimes even Captain Montgomery. I couldn't look at one person I had known except for Castle without thinking about him. We had even kissed at the front of the precinct before leaving one time. But just because Castle can help doesn't mean I want to fall in love again. Those painful reminders of Aaron just reminded me of how it was my fault. _I _let him in, even after my mom left me, too. I didn't understand why I couldn't get it at first. I had already lost my mom, do I really need to get hurt more? But I realized now that it's just a fact of life then, despite my best efforts to prove otherwise.

And every time I told him that it really, after all, was not working, all he would do is shrug and say, "It's worth a shot."

That Castle… I don't understand him. But, in reality, I guess there is nothing to understand. He's just Castle. All I can do is hope today will be different, and expect my hopes to be crushed.

"Beckett," Castle greeted me while bringing my coffee. This had turned into his daily routine, bringing me coffee and something to eat when he got to the precinct. I never asked for it, not once. The third day we were working together, he just brought me a scone. I didn't understand why, and all he would say is, "You know you like these."

Mysterious Castle… Hmm. What am I going to do with this guy?

**Castle;  
I didn't really know it all, really. Why I was attracted to Beckett, I mean. Well, I understood the basics. She was incredibly hot, and I couldn't help but swoon. However, she always denied me any chance of flirtation. She would get my hopes down, and I couldn't understand why I couldn't just let her go. I brought her coffee and snacks in the morning, to try to help some of her soften up. It never worked, though. I wonder when I'll finally get to compliment her. I may be a suck up, and an ass sometimes, but when it comes to complimenting Kate Beckett, I never lie.**

**Beckett;  
I wished so, so, so badly that I could trust him. I always wanted to. Well, not specifically him, just anybody. But I know exactly what happens when people get too close. And I _quote _from the movie _500 Days of Summer, _what Summer said once: "Relationships are messy, and people's feelings get hurt."**

She was right. People get taken away. You lose the ones you love. It's a fact of life. Of everyone and everybody's life. No one has any control over it, it's just true. Yet everybody wishes and hopes they can change it. Sometimes I don't know how people trust others. I'm sure they've all been hurt before. How can they let people in, knowing subconsciously one day, those people are going to leave? How can they get so codependent, that when the time comes for them to leave, they're left broken hearted and hurt excruciatingly much? I really never got that, since my mom left. I don't know how I trusted anybody with my secrets before her. I knew people were going to leave me. So why let them in?

"Castle?"

"Yeah?"

"How can you really trust people?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know they're going to go away… Why risk getting hurt that bad?"

Castle had to think for a minute before answering. "Because it's worth it. Because, yes, some people are going to leave. They're going to make you feel like you just got the hell punched out of you by betraying you, or just growing apart. But in the end, it's value is way too high for you to give it up. You may only pick up a couple people down the road who you can really call friends, but as you get older, you gain a couple of true friends."

I was amazed. That much insight from Castle? Wow. Just… Wow. I didn't know he could_ be_ sentimental.

I got home, and I just sat in the warm bath thinking about life. About what Castle said. About what Lanie said the other day. My thoughts wandered in and out of things, but mainly about what Castle said. About trust. How was I going to trust people? I had built up these walls for so long. How was I planning on breaking them down? I hate going out of my comfort zone, doing anything like that. But if I planned on getting Lanie in anymore, or any of my other friends, what was I going to do to help that? Well. I guess I could _start _by telling Lanie something I hadn't told anyone else. After all, she was, despite my efforts to keep most people out, a really close friend of mine. We may not talk all the time, but we do talk. She was the closest I had gotten to a best friend since my mom.

***

"Lanie?" I asked, second guessing myself now that I was actually telling her something.

"Kate! What's wrong? Is it Castle?" There was a stern tone to her voice, as if she was ready to deck Castle already.

"No.. I came here with something to tell you." For the first time ever since my mom died, I had done it. I'd told someone a secret that almost no one else had heard. I told her something that was hard for me to live through, and for the first time, I completely opened up. I opened up with grace; I didn't cry, even though tears were threatening hard to spill over. I stayed my ground, barely budged. All that happened was my voice cracked a couple times, thank God. I stayed and told her the whole thing, from where she had been acting weird to how the detectives had found her at the crime scene. She had been just sitting, in a chair. Nothing special about the chair, it was just a little fancy. Her face was contorted funny, as if she'd seen something odd. They said that she had been stabbed many times, and that when they figured out any more, that they would call. They never called for something important. They only had told her a couple things, just about leads that they thought would work out but never did.

"Kate, why didn't you tell me? We could've tried to catch the bastard _together _a long time ago."

"I just… I didn't want to relive it. But then I thought that I couldn't just keep denying it forever, I have to say something."

"You're right; you can't do that to yourself. But you also shouldn't have let that case eat you out like it did."

"I know, I know. I just needed to deal with it myself for a while."

Lanie just looked back a her, with sadness and understanding in her eyes, though with a smile on her face.

"Come here," she said, opening her arms for a hug. Usually I wasn't open to public affection, but right now, it was a different story. I hugged her, thinking about my mom and everything that happened in the past couple months. Too bad there was still the breakup to talk about. Someday, I guess. I'll tell someone. After all, Lanie's right on the dot. I can't tear myself apart like I did with my mom again.

_**A/N: **__Heyy! :) I just finished~ Sorry it took me forever, I just didn't have the time. I have Chinese, piano, soccer, _and _school to deal with… But thanks for being patient with mee (or not)! And don't forget to __**review!**_


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